I Don't Want To Be Here!
by TheMadLiddell
Summary: A girl named Kat falls down the rabbit hole after being knocked into it by her friend Tess, who falls in with her, they were both chasing after Kat's friend, and Tess' twin, Jess who fell into the rabbit hole chasing Peter, who was trying to lure Kat down the rabbit hole to begin with. Warning: pairings undecided, cursing, and rated M for cursing and suggestive language
1. Welcome to Wonderland

Author's Note: I do not own Joker/Diamond/Clover/Heart no Kuni no Alice of any of the characters from the games/movie/manga, trust me when I say I wish I did. I only own my ocs. Anyways I hope you enjoy the story and review. Pairings, as of right now, are undecided so let me know of any suggestions.

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Welcome to Wonderland

After school detention is not fun, but getting to pick on my bubbly punk buddy Gil, who gets detention for stupid pranks every day, mega fun. Especially when he gets caught doing something really stupid like, oh I don't know, putting extra strong glue one the teachers seat or painting the entire auditorium pink, which might I add is way he's in here now.

"So Gilly," Tess, another friend of mine, teased, "Why, out of every god forsaken color, did you paint the auditorium pink? Are you trying to make a statement about yourself?" Gil looked away from Jess who had been jabbing him with her pencil for the past half hour, the point looks very sharp.

"No, I'm not making any 'statement' about myself; Ben's little sister talked their old man into painting the basement and the living room pink, and the only way I could help the poor bastard was by getting rid of the paint." He explained.

"So why did you use it on the auditorium?" Jess, Tess' twin sister also another friend, commented this time.

"I was already planning on giving it a new paint job anyways, so why not use what I already had," was his only explanation.

"One more question. How the hell did you paint the ENTIER auditorium in one night?" Jess decided to ask, good question the auditorium is huge as Fucking Hell.

"My dear, a magician never reveals his secrets." He said with a wink. We all just gave him a blank stare, while he just gave us a stupid shit eating grin.

"Gill," I started calmly, "you are a complete and utter JACKASS!" I roared, "I'M STUCK LOOKING AT THAT GOD FORSAKEN PAINT IN DRAMA! YOU KNOW HOW PISSED I AM AT YOU?" Yes, I take drama deal with it.

"Oh, came on my little kitty Kat, you know you love me."

"You're right, Gilly Poo, I love you to death. So when the time comes, let me know and I'll be the first one in line to pull the plug."

"Awww, aren't you just the sweedest widdle thing."

"WILL YOU DELINQUENTS SHUT UP; OTHERWISE I'LL GIVE YOU EVEN MORE DETENTION!" Screeched Miss. Quack and yes she is a quack, it's ironic considering she's the phycology teacher and her voice reminds everyone of a drowning duck.

"Yes, Miss. Quack." We droned in unison. Well this sucks now what am I supposed to do for the next hour. Looks like Tess is doing homework, nerd, Jess went back to jabbing Gil with a pencil, poor dude. Sigh may as well draw or something, so I pull out my sketch book and open to a clean paper. Now what to draw, hmmm?

"_Hey did you know? There are rules in every game. Rules everyone have to obey. It has been decided since beginning?"_ What the fuck, who the hell just said that? I look around and see Tess hasn't look up from her work and Gil took away Jess' pencil and was now listening to his iPod, while Jess was sulking about the loss of her pencil. _"You must participate in the game, that's also one of the rules. It was decided since the beginning. But, of course you already know about all of this, right"_ What game? What rules? "_Huh? You don't know? As long as you understand that explanation, you don't need to worry."_ Worry about what? Other than hearing voices what should I be worried about? This doesn't make any sense. None of my friends appear to be pranking me because Tess is now reading a magazi—oh no wait she's using a magazine to hide a yaoi manga, sneaky perv, and Gil's just got stabbed by a pen Jess found in her bag. So where is this voice coming from?

Screw it I'm just going crazy, well crazier. Disregarding the voice, that I'm hoping is not some random ghost trying to take over my body so it can take revenge on whoever wronged him, I look back at the paper and just start drawing without thinking. I was so into the picture I didn't even know detention was already over; at least that was until Tess hit me in the back of the head with a….wooden hammer? Where the fucking hell did that come from?

"Dude, what the hell was that for?" I groaned in pain from my little spot on the floor, what she hit me fucking hard?

"Your fault for not responding," was her automatic response, bitch. "So, what were you drawing that had you so focused you didn't even know detention's over?"

"Huh? Oh my drawing," I said getting up and actually looking at sketch for the first time. Wow, it's amazing, don't get me wrong I am not vague or over confident in what artistic skills I have, it's just that, that's exactly what it was. It was a drawing of a fairly young man, I'd never seen anyone who looked remotely similar to him; he's tall, long silver hair, he had eye-patch covering his right eye, very pale skin, a mouth set in airy smile, he was wearing expensive, but weird, looking cloths, but the most peculiar thing about him was he was floating in his own little world. I drew him with such detail that it was as if he was standing in front of me as I drew it, kind of scary if you ask me.

"_Come, the game will start soon..." _came the voice from earlier."Damn, Kat, what's with the pirate hotty, not complaining about the pic or anything, but still you normally draw wolves and monsters, never people unless you have a model, and even then you normally don't finish it" asked Jess leaning over my shoulder breaking my train of thought.

"I honestly have no clue," was the only thing I could say, because I really don't know why I drew him, and that voice was starting to creep me the hell out.

"Huh," was Jess' oh so intelligent response, note the sarcasm, "well lets head out, cause I don't want to be in this place any longer then I have ta."

"Yeah let's go," came from Tess, "You hear me Kat? Yo! Kat!"

"Huh, yeah let's move, wait where's Gil?" I said putting my sketch book away.

"Oh he said he had to watch his little sister tonight, so he left once Miss. Quack dismissed us," explained Tess waiting be the door.

"Oh, well it is Friday so his mom's probably on another date with God knows who," Poor Gil can't catch a break, although since he has a bit of a sister complex I don't think he minds. Honestly once he starts talking about her you can't get him to stop. I can't wait to see what he does when she hit high school or starts dating, boys beware.

"So Kat, we staying at your place this weekend," Jess asked, as we walked out of the school's gate and into freedom.

"No Jess, I'm just going to break our tradition that we started back when we first starting hanging out in kindergarten," I deadpanned. Alright you're probably wondering what our tradition is, and if you're not I'm gonna tell ya anyway, okay so basically on the weekends the twins sleepover at my house and we have a huge movie, anime, and video game marathon. Hey don't judge you know you do it to, and before you ask this started back when we all found out that we were the only kindergarteners in our school that loved horror movies and anime, the video games came in when we hit middle school.

"Okay I get it dumb question, but hey, you can't blame me for asking. After all isn't your dad engaged so wouldn't his fiancée be staying over," Jess asked.

"Actually he's staying at her place this weekend, so it's just going to be the three of us."

"Really, just the three of us. So does that mean we get to share a bed, and maybe a few other things while we're under the covers, with no one to disturb us," implied Tess with a perverted gleam in her eyes.

"Wha-God TESS YOU'RE SUCH A PERV," screeched Jess and I, with a very visible blush on our faces.

"Oh please you know I'm joking; and besides I like yaoi not yuri," Tess smirked.

"Yeah, well, shut up," we mumbled still highly embarrassed.

Well so here's the scene right now Tess, the perverted bitch she is, is standing there smirking at mine and Jess' blushing, annoyed faces, yelling random crap at her. While everyone on the street is giving us a look that just screams 'are these girls mental?' or our all-time favorite 'these girls belong in a nut house.' Just another day in the life of three perfectly normal high school girl, ha yeah right we're nowhere near normal, but that was how almost every day went. Random chit chat, Tess' perverted comment, mine and Jess' reaction, getting odd looks from pedestrians, seeing a white rabbit wearing a red coat and pants…Wait, what? I looked back so quickly I think I got whiplash and what do you know there really is a white rabbit wearing a red coat and pants standing in between a tree and bush looking right at us. Okay I'm just going to pretend I didn't see anything.

"Aaaaaawwww, I want the bunny!" Jess yells runny after the rabbit. Yeah running after a rabbit and chasing it into the woods just shows how smart my friend is. So Tess and I start running after her yelling at her to stop; but she just wouldn't listen, the sharply dressed rabbit looked rather smug when we started running after it, but then look annoyed. It's a shame Jess didn't listen to us, because the next thing I knew Jess disappeared from our sight after she ran through a bush. Then I almost fell down some huge ass hole that appeared on the other side of said bush, literally teetering on the edge. I regained my balance, only for Tess to ram right into my back sending us both down, causing us to scream bloody-murder. After falling for about what felt like an hour with non-stop screaming I started to get bored.

"Yo Tess is it just me or have we been falling for a while," I said hopingly loud enough for her to hear me considering Jess keep screaming something along the lines of "the psychopathic demon clown monkeys are going to kill us all," yeah don't ask me.

"Hmm now that you mentioned it you're right. JESS WILL YOU SHUT UP THERE ARE NO CLOWNS HERE!"

"YEAH RIGHT THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID AT OUR SEVENTH BIRTHDAY!"

"OH WILL YOU LET THAT GO ALREADY!"

"WILL THE BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!? IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU CHOSE TO FOLLOW ME! I ONLY CAME FOR MY LOVE, NOT YOU TWO!" Well what do you know the rabbit's here, and wow big voice for such a little guy.

"HOLLY MONKEY SHIT ON A STICK! DID THAT RABBIT JUST TALK!" They yelled in unison, and in my ears might I add.

"No, I'm just one hell of a ventriloquist," I said with sarcasm dripping from my voice.

"Really that is soo cool can you teach me," Jess asked.

"Is she really that dumb and insane," asked the rabbit, who I will now dub Mr. Fluffykins.

"You have noo idea, and just think I live with her" Tess said.

"I don't care, I just wish my love didn't have to deal with it. Now will you shut up we are almost there," Mr. Fluffykins told Tess. What did he mean when he said we are almost there? Figure when I'm just about to ask him there is a bright ass light below us. Then Jess screaming about how we really are going to die and Mr. Fluffykins 'kindly' asking (demanding) her to shut the hell up. What lovely language we all have.

As we were just about to reach the blinding light, I see Mr. Fluffykins transform into a man with white rabbit ears, a puffy white rabbit tail, and short white hair. If you ask me he was some fucking cute as hell eye candy and judging by the look on Tess' face she thinks so to. Should I tell her that men as good looking as him are either gay, taken, assholes, psychotic, or fictional. Not one word world about the fictional part I do remember he has animal appendages. That sounded kind of kinky didn't it? Back on topic, we were falling through the light and when it faded away we landed dog-pile style on of some building, sadly I didn't land on top.

"Ow Tess can you get you're fat ass off of me."

"I was just about to get up, but, Jess, for that one hell no."

"Then how about you both get off of me," I whined while being squished by the twins.

"Whoops my bad," they said in unison and finally got of me. Then I heard chuckling coming from above and what would do you know it's none other than Mr. Fluffykins.

"What the hell are you laughing at bastard," what all because he's good looking doesn't mean I'm going to be nice.

"Sorry if I insulted you, my love. I couldn't help it when I saw how cute your face looked when you pouted." What the fuck, "Well anyways, why didn't you chase me alone? I don't want those two interfering."

"Who the fuck are you calling 'love' you creep?" I don't care if he's cute, who the hell is the guy and what is he talking about?

"Why you of course, my dearest Katarina!" he swoons, blushing while holding his cheeks. I froze, completely disturbed. Tess seemed to catch onto my distress, while Jess looked confused and said the dumbest thing possible.

"Hey Kat, why didn't you tell us you had a cosplaying boyfriend?" She looked proud of her question, Tess looked ashamed to be her twin, and Mr. Fluffykins looked over joyed by the prospect… I think a small part of me just died on the inside.

"Jess no, just no"

"Aaaww, but why? You two look cute together." Correction I am certain a part of me truly died. Mr. Fluffykins looks like he's lost in his own fantasy world until he remembers something, pulling out a tiny vial with a heart shaped stopper.

"My Sweet, I almost forgot to give you the Potion of Hearts. You must drink this so your game can start." Game? The voice from earlier mentioned something about a game; if this guys playing I sure as hell am not!

"No way in hell, Mr. Fluffykins! I'm not drinking anything you give me!" I was proud of my statement until I realized what exactly I said.

"Mr. Fluffykins? Really Kat, a pet name already, I never knew you moved so fast." Damn you Tess, damn you to the five gates of hell. Jess is rolling on the floor laughing, while Mr. Fluffykins is blushing like a school girl.

"Oooohh my dearest, I didn't know you already loved me so much to give me a pet name! Please drink from the vial so we can finish the game together~"

"I ONLY CALLED YOU THAT BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW YOUR NAME, AND I'M NOT PLAYING YOUR DAMN GAME!" Mr. Fluffykins looked shocked.

"You don't want to play, but you must. Hhmmm I guess the game wouldn't be fun without a few set back," while that he open the vial and emptied it in his mouth. Before I could ask what the hell he was doing, he grabbed me by the arms and kissed me. Forcing his tongue in my mouth he transferred the "Potion of Hearts" into my mouth. He didn't let me go until I swallowed the potion. He then tossed two vials (identical to the first one) to the twins (who stopped laughing and were staring at us in shock) with a bored expression. Mr. Fluffykins looked back at me gently.

"My dearest, my name is Peter White and welcome to Wonderland." And just like that Mr. Fluffykins, now known as Peter White, left.

…

"I'M GOING TO KILL THAT PERVERRRRTTTTTTTTTTT!"


	2. Meeting the Hatters

Authors Note: I still do not own Joker/Diamond/Clover/Heart no Kuni no Alice or any of the characters from either game/movie/manga. Pairings are still undecided so let me know of any suggestions. *bow* Please enjoy and review.

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Recap: "I'M GOING TO KILL THAT PERVERRRRTTTTTTTTTTT!"

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Meeting the Hatters

Once I get my hands on that perverted, cosplaying, son of a—"Kat talking to yourself isn't healthy. In fact I believe it is a sign of insanity"

"Silly Tess, talking to yourself isn't a sign of insanity. Losing an argument to yourself is. So as long as Kat is only mumbling death threats to herself she's fine." Dammit I was thinking out loud and now Jess and Tess are debating my possible lack of sanity.

"Eh, I still say she's nuts. After all she is planning to kill her _Mr. Fluffykins_. Shouldn't she be planning a wedding, not a funeral? " Tess, why does thou hate me so, and I'm planning to just throw his body in a ditch, no point wasting money on him. While I was TRYING to calm myself down Jess began to sing.

"Hehehe~ Kat and Fluffykins sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I"

"WILL YOU TWO JUST DROP IT ALREADY! IT WAS A SLIP UP!" That got them to shut up. But, unfortunately, Tess is looking smug as shit. Well, at least Jess is cowering behind her. Anyways, to avoid smacking that look clean off of Tess's face, I stomped ahead trying to track down that pervert. Why did he have to force the drink down my throat and only throw a vial at each of the twins?

"Because, one: he 'loves' you, two: I think he knew you wouldn't drink it otherwise, and three: unlike you we're just that lucky." Damn you Tess, damn you to the deepest pits of hell, and you two only drank out of the vials because you saw mine didn't kill me. We continue walking, or in my case stomping, until we stumble upon some huge ass mansion.

"Wow, its sooo big!" Tess and I look at Jess. Don't say it Tess, don't say-

"That's what she said," and she said it. "On another note, who wants to go see whose home? Kat, I volunteer you due to the fact you're hunting wabbits."

"Really Tess a Looney Tunes reference, and here I thought you were the clever twin."

"Hey! That's not nice!" We ignore Jess completely as she gets distracted by a butterfly.

"Oh I am it's just that when the moment arises one must take advantage of it. Now go ask for directions." Demanding bitch, but to avoid wasting time I go up to the gates and look for a way in. Hmmm ridiculously high cast iron gates; normally these are used when the owner of the property wants people to stay out.

"Hey you three do you have business with the boss?" Boss? Oh, must be someone who works here.

"Oh, um, not exactly; you see we're lost and were wondering…Why the fuck are you kids holding weapons?" I turn around to ask about directions, only to see a set of young twin boys, one in red the other in blue, holding big ass axes. I have a bad feeling about this.

"Hey brother, did you hear that? The pretty lady said they were intruders, should we kill them?" The boy in red asked the boy in blue. Oh no, bad feeling rising; this is going to end badly.

"Yeah! If we do the boss may give use a raise!" Oh shit, they're demonic and cute. I look over at Jess to see her wide eyed, shaking, and staring directly at the twins. I knew it this is going to end badly.

"Th-th-they're… SOOOOO CCUUUUTEEE!" Jess loves thing that are demonic and cute. "AAAWWWW AREN'T YOU TWO JUST ADORABLE? I JUST WANT TO TAKE YOU TWO CUTIES HOME!" I wounder if she know how much she sounds like a pedophile. The boy in red dodged Jess just before she could grab him in a bone crushing hug, the boy in blue not so lucky.

"AAAAHHHH! GET HER OFF, GET HER OFF!" I feel your pain bro; she does the same thing to me.

"Let go of my brother!" The boy in red, that's it I'm just going to call them blueberry and cherry, goes to strike Jess with his axe only for Jess to twirl away giggling, with blueberry still flailing in her arms. I will bet a shit load of money that she is completely clueless to the fact that cherry is trying to kill her. Every time cherry attacks she manages to dodge in a dance like fashion. It's almost like watching some messed up ballet. Cherry swings his axe at Jess' head, she performs a plié, Cherry swipes her feet, Jess does an assemble, Cherry tries an air strike, Jess pirouettes and does a leap, Cherry tries to strike her legs again, Jess does a tour en l'air, and repeat. Funny how Jess is STILL holding onto blueberry, gushing over his 'adorableness', and dodging all of cherry's attacks with her eyes closed. Tess looks highly amused by the situation, using her cellphone to record it. I'll have to remember to watch that video with her later.

"What the hell do you little shits think you're doing?! You're supposed to be working, not slacking!" Hmm, turning around I see another guys with rabbit ears marching towards us.

"Shut up stupid rabbit! We're trying but this intruder won't hold still and die!" Cherry looks a little ticked off; okay he does look adorable when he pouts.

"Intruders?" May as well try to state our case, this guy has to be more reasonable than a pair of kids.

"Umm, excuse me sir." rabbit man looks over to me, "Yeah, this is all just one big misunderstanding. You see we were-" He interrupts me by shoving a gun in my face.

"I've been itching to test out my new gun. What better target then a couple of trespassers?"

"Hey Tess, you were right Kat was hunting rabbits! Just look, we followed her here and a rabbit showed up." All got silent after Jess spoke, still cuddling blueberry. You know those moments in life where you can literally feel the killing intent rolling off of the person holding a gun inches away from your face. No? Well, want to trade places with me, because I'm having one of those moment right now.

" I' .A..RABBIT!" I close my eyes as he pulls the trigger and hear loud bang. But then I hear some clanging sound. I open my eyes to see Tess in front of me holding a cane with a little hat on it? Where did she get that?

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't kill my only, on occasion, smart friend." Wow Tess, you just had to insult me while being a badass didn't you?

"Excuse me young miss, would you be so kind as to return my property to me?" I look over to see some guy in a white suit wearing a top hat with roses and cards stuck to it. Oh, that must be his cane…What is he some sort of Victorian pimp? "Oh, and Elliot I don't recall giving you my approval to kill these lovely ladies?"

"The twins attacked them first!" Wow rabbit dude, now known as Elliot, that's just childish.

"Hey! Don't put all the blame on us you stupid rabbit!" Thus begins the immature bickering between a grown man and two children, one child whom just recently escaped from Jess and her hug of death.

"Here dude." I turn away from the three arguing children and a cheering Jess to see Tess returning the pimp stick to the man Elliot called Blood.

"Thank you young miss. My name is Blood Dupre; you all may call me Blood. I am the owner of this mansion, and who might you two, and your friend over there, be?" Something tells me this guy is a man whore.

"Hello Blood I'm Tess Oracolo, just call me Tess. That idiot cheering on the children over there is my twin sister Jess." Again with the insults, at least it's not aimed at me this time.

"My how…charming of you." He turn towards me, "So what's your name my dear?" What the hell is with people calling me that?

"The name's Katarina Jones, I don't like formalities or terms of 'endearment' so just call me Kat."

"That's a rather interesting name, Miss. Jones." Bastard.

"I said call me Kat."

"My deepest apologies Miss. Katarina." Twitch.

"Kat. K-A-T. Kat. That's what I told you to call me _Mr. Dupre._" The Bastard's smirking now.

"I prefer Katarina." Of course you would.

"It's Kat, get it? Got it? Good!" His smirk just keeps getting bigger. "Jess, say bye to the kids, we're leaving." HA! Where's that smirk now asshole?!

"Aaaaawwww, but I wanna see who wins~"

"You heard her Jess, let's go." Wait a minute, Tess is agreeing with me. That never happens. Uuuummm, why is she eyeing Blood like he's going commit the ultimate crime the second she looks away? It's the same looks she gives the guys that randomly come over and talk oddly to Jess, Tess, and me when we're hanging out in public. I don't understand why she gets that look, the guys were only talking, but every time I ask her about it she tells me to shut up because Jess and I too innocent to understand when our 'secret gardens' are in danger. Whatever the hell that means.

"Aaaww otay~" Jess turns back to the still arguing trio and her pout turns into a big smile, "Bye cutie pies I'll come save you two from the evil lord bunny rabbit later!" The blueberry and cherry look disturbed, while Elliot's right eye and ear twitched. Tess grabs my arm dragging me away, with Jess prancing after us singing about dragons and kangaroos…Don't ask 'cause I don't know. I glance back and see cherry and blueberry, I still haven't learned their names yet, letting out sighs of relief at Jess leaving and Blood and Elliot talking about something that seems to shock Elliot. Oh well, it's probably nothing important…I just remembered something.

"Oh crap."

"What?" Jess turns to look at me.

"We never got directions…"

"Does that mean we get to go back to the mansion?!"

"NO!"


	3. The Grump Isn't So Bad

Authors Note: I do not own Joker/Diamond/Clover/Heart no Kuni no Alice or any of the characters from either game/movie/manga. Pairings suggestions are encouraged. Please enjoy and review.

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_Recap: "Oh crap."_

"_What?" Jess turns to look at me._

"_We never got directions…"_

"_Does that mean we get to go back to the mansion?!"_

"_NO!"_

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The Grump Isn't That Bad

"Hey Tess, you can stop dragging me around like a rag doll now." She ignored me, again. Ever since we left Blood's mansion she hasn't let up on my arm, and honestly it's starting to piss me off. "Tess, seriously ease up! You're going to rip my shoulder out of its socket!" She glanced back at me, shrugged, and continued dragging me by the arm. "BITCH, LET GO OF MY ARM!"

"Not until I ensure your secret garden is safe from Blood." Now I'm confused, "What the hell does that mean?" Tess sighed, and Jess giggled, "Tess means Blood was eyeing you like a hungry snake eyeing a wounded mouse. In other words, he looked hungry~" I just look at Jess like she's an idiot.

"In a sense, Jess is right Kat. You probably didn't notice because you're oblivious to any attraction men have to you unless they make it obvious." Tess must have seen my confusion, "Like how Mr. Fluffykins flat out kissed you. If it wasn't for the kiss you, unlike any other living organism, most likely would have thought he was joking about being in love with you." I'm still not getting it, what does Peter have to do with this.

Jess decided to pitch in, "Remember when Gil said he liked you back in the seventh grade?!" I nod for her to continue. "You replied, 'Cool! We can be bros!' Haha he looked so heartbroken! You two may be total peeps now, but that's what she means! You are completely CLUELESS when it comes to romance! Hahaha I bet you…Hey look a butterfly~ YOU WILL BE MINE!" And there she goes chasing another butterfly.

"Jess is, surprisingly, right again Kat. You're smart and, at times, a pretty good judge of character. But when there is any form of romantic of physical attraction is involved, you're clueless." Tess looked at me seriously, still pulling me by the arm, and said, "Jess may be…ditzy at times but she can at least see, when not distracted by candy, if someone has bad intentions." Now I feel insulted, "Are you saying Jess is smarter than me?" She just gave me a blank look and shook her head, "I feel sorry for Peter; his love life is over before it had a chance to start."

Humph, now I'm annoyed. So I flop to the ground forcing Tess to drag my dead weight. Not smart because she did just that. She dragged my ass over rocks, twigs and anything else on the ground, not allowing me to get back up. Jess stopped chasing her butterfly and laughed at my expense, following after us. When we got on the stone path leading to the place Peter left us, a clock tower now that I look at it, Tess continues to drag me over the path. When we got to the stairs, leading up the clock tower, she got Jess to grab my other arm so they could both drag me all the way up them! "Hahahaha~ you should know better than to be a grump grump around us Kat!" Damn you for this Jess damn you. Tess smirks at me, "Yes Kat, you should know that when you act like a child I will treat you like an old rag doll." I glare at them, "Where's the logic in that! When you two let me go, you better fucking run! 'Cause FUCK Peter, I'm coming after you two!" They just laugh.

By the time they reached the top of the tower, I started to become numb to the pain. At least that was until they stopped, and let go of my arms causing my head to slam against the hard as fuck floor. "FUCK, SHIT, WHORE! THAT HURTS LIKE HELL! WHY THE HELL DID YOU BITCHES DROP ME LIKE THAT?!"

"WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU THREE DOING IN MY TOWER?"

I look up from my fetal position and see a scowling…is that Rapunzel? Wait no it's a guy, but I'm going to call him Rapunzel until I learn his name. Jess and Tess seem to be frozen in shock at the sight of him. Rapunzel marches over to us growling "Never mind just get out of my tower at once!" Okay that's it I'm pissed! Standing up I get in his face, "Listen here, asshole. I got knocked down a huge ass hole, had some fucker with rabbit ears force some weird shit down my throat, had two kids threaten to kill me, almost got shot in the face by another rabbit bastard, had to deal with some jerk purposely try to piss me off, almost had my arm Ripped out of its socket, had my intelligence insulted, was literally Dragged To YOUR Tower and up ALL OF ITS FUCKING STEPS by my so called friends! I AM IN PAIN AND I AM NOT IN THE MOOD TO HEAR YOU BITCH AT ME!" We glare at each other until we hear Jess mumble to Tess, "Grumpy Kat?"

We glare over at Jess, causing her to shrink into herself. Then a look of realization came over Rapunzel's face, "Did you say a man with rabbit ears forced you to drink something?" I snap my attention back to him, "Yeah and those two bitches just downed the shit once they saw it didn't kill me." He sighed, "Well then it cannot be helped. Follow me and I'll explain the basics to you all."

"Yeah, nooow you're hospitable." He just glared at me and led us to what looked like an office/workroom with a lot of clock everywhere, and a cluttered desk, looks a little disorganized to me. Rapunzel motioned us to take a seat at the small table located in the room; he went through another door only to return a few moments letter with four mugs full of, what smells like, damn good coffee, ice rapped in a rag, and a first aid kit. He hands out the mugs and passing me the ice and first aid kit. At my raised eyebrow he says, "It's for the bump on your head and your cuts." I put the ice on my head.

Once everyone was seated, coffee in hand, they sat in an award silence, while I was disinfecting my cuts. Coughing to ease the tension, Tess started a conversation, "My name is Tess Oracolo, my friends and I are sorry for intruding." Jess jumped in now, "Sup a de sup sup! I'm Jess the amazing twin sister of Tess!" He just looked between the two and raised an eyebrow before turning to me. Realizing that I wasn't paying attention, too focused finishing patching up my injuries, the ones she gave me, Tess kicked me under the table, "Ouch! Huh? Oh, my name is Katarina just call me Kat, don't be a douche like Blood and call me anything else. So, do you mind telling us what's going on here, Rapuuu-" sip coffee "mister?" The smell does not lie, this coffee is damn good. Hhhmm, why aren't Jess and Tess drinking? Oh yeah they hate coffee, well they're missing out cause this dude makes some really good coffee. Okay, now that I've had coffee, my mood has improved.

Disregarding my almost slip, Rapu—I mean Julius began his explanation, "My name is Julius Monrey; I am the clock maker and owner of this tower. Because you three drank the Potion of Hearts you all are now stuck in Wonderland until your vial fills back up and you complete the game. If I am interoperating Miss. Ka-" "Just Kat!" Insert Kat glare and angry coffee sip. "Kat's rant from earlier you have already met the Hatter's Family. So if you look at your vials you should already see they have begun to fill." Simultaneously, all three of us look at our vials to see…Holly crap! There are a few drops at the bottom of them! Aaahhh Choking on coffee! Tess reaches over and pats me on the back. I'm okay not chocking anymore, I take another sip of coffee and motion Rapunz-Julius to continue. "The more you interact with the role holders of Wonderland, the more the vial will fill. It's all part of the game of the foreigner, or outsider which ever term you prefer." Jess perked up at this, "So it's like a RPG dating game!" We all stared at her.

Rapun—Julius seemed baffled "A-a what?" Crap out of coffee! I motion for Tess to hand her mug over and we switch mugs without Rapu-Julius noticing. Yay! More coffee! Sip~

"A RPG dating game! It's a virtual game where a person has an avatar that they use to talk to and, in a sense, date the characters of the game! The more you interact with a character the more he or she falls in love with your character! But you have to be careful because the games normally have time limits or other setbacks and rules! Not to mention the characters all have different personalities and will react differently depending on what you have your avatar say or do! And in the end you can choose to stay with the character that loves you the most, or not!" Jess looks excited while Rapunz—JULIUS looks stunned. He stammered, "T-that is basically how the game works." Jess beamed, "SWEET!" I just continue to sip coffee. Yum~

"Umm, okay then," Tess looks at Rapun—JULIUS, JULIUS JULIUS HIS NAME IS FUCKING JULIUS alright I think I got it now, "So Mr. Monrey is there anything you can tell us about Wonderland itself? You mentioned role holders, can you enlighten us a little?"

Julius, HA I got it, looks back at Tess, "Um, yes, Wonderland, or to be more specific the Country of Hearts, is currently divided into four territories. There is the Castle of Hearts, ruled by the queen, the Amusement Park, run by the duke, the Hatter's Mansion, run by the mafia, and finally the Clock Tower, which is run by me. There is currently a war amongst the territories, excluding the Clock Tower which is neutral."

"AMUSEMENT PARK!/MAFIA!/WAR!" Jess, Tess, and I shouted at once. Julius, Tess, and I all turn to Jess. She smiles, "What? I like amusement parks!" The three of us sigh and shake our heads at her. Taking another sip of the amazing coffee Julius made, I look back up at him, "So Julius, what are role holders? We, uh, kind of interrupted you, hehe." Looking back at me he continues his explanation.

"There are two types of people that live in Wonderland, role holders and faceless. You can decipher them by the fact that, unlike the faceless, role holders have eyes and play a key role in Wonderland." Jess perked back up, "So the faceless are like Slender Man's cousins!"

Julius looks adorable when he's this confused, "Who?" Tess and I reach over and pat the man of the shoulder. He looks at us questioningly. Giving him a tired smile I say, "Julius, its better if you learn to accept how Jess is, trust me I've known her for years and Tess has known her since the womb." Tess just nods her head in agreement. For some reason Julius starts to turn red and begins to fidget in his seat. Okay it's decided Julius is nice guy that makes bitching coffee, is a little on the grumpy side, and maybe a bit of a workaholic if his desk is anything to go by. Although, now that I think about it, he did have a pretty good reason to snap at us earlier, after all we did technically break into his house. I should probably apologize for yelling at him earlier; it wasn't right to take my frustration out on him.

Suddenly Jess runs over to the window, and—holy crap it's night out! It was literally bright as fuck out a few seconds ago! I look at Julius for an explanation. He sighs, "I forgot to mention, in Wonderland, time changes as random. Meaning it could be day one second, night another." That settles it Wonderland is weird. Huh, why do I suddenly feel tired? I just drank two whole cups of coffee, shouldn't I be wide awake? I tap Julius on the shoulder and yawn out, "Hey Julius, I'm sorry to ask this because we've probably troubled you enough, but do you think you can put us up for the night? We don't have anywhere else to go."

"It's no trouble, but I only have two guest rooms." Jess chirped from the window, "That's fine dude! Tess and I'll just share! Kat doesn't like to share anyways!" Tess nods, "Yes, it will be no problem, and besides I need to discuss some things with Jess in privet anyways. I'll just knock her out so I can sleep later." I quickly pack up the first aid kit and down Jess's coffee while they talked; wow, even cold that coffee was pretty good. Hhhmmm may as well be nice, "Hey Julius, where's the sink I'll wash out these mugs before you show us the guest rooms." He looks over startled by my offer, "Uh, you don't have to."

I shake my head, "Naw man, you're a nice guys and I was a real bitch to you earlier. Just show those two their room; I'll clean up out here." He seemed put off by my comment and was about to object until Tess cut him off, "Just let her do it Mr. Monrey. You will not be able to change her mind." He looks between us and sighs, "Through the door on the left is the kitchen." I nod my head a shoo them off, I may be tired but I'm not going to force Julius clean up after us; especially after he had to put up with us, made us coffee, and got me stuff for my injuries.

So I take all the mugs and medical supplies to the kitchen. I just put the first aid kit on the counter and hang the rag on a rack to dry; I forgot to ask about what I should do with them. Hmm Julius really is a nice guy. Maybe I'll wake up early and make him coffee and breakfast as a 'thank you' or something. I quickly wash the mugs and dry them, and look for the cabinet the mugs belong in. Let's see empty, empty, empty, dusty plates and bowls, recently washed mugs and coffee beans…You've got to be kidding me. Does this guy eat anything? I put the mugs in the cabinet with their counterparts and turn to the refrigerator. I'm scared to see what's in there. Slowly creeping to the refrigerator; I reach my hand out to the hand.

"What are you doing?"

"Eeeepp!" Please tell me I did not just eep. Turning around I see Julius looking at me strangely from the doorway. Yup I just eeped. "Hehehe, careful Julius you'll give a girl a heart attack sneaking around like that."

"Despite this being my home, I'll keep that in mind. Come I'll show you to your room." With that I follow him out of the kitchen, out of his office, and down the hall. The walk is painfully silent. We stop when we hear Jess squealing and Tess hushing her. This causes Julius raise an eyebrow while I just shake my head, "Come on big guy, do you really want to know what those two are talking about?" He frowns and leads me a little further down the hall before opening a door.

"You can use this room Kat. Sorry if it's a little dull, Jess felt it necessary to point that trait about my home out earlier." Of course you would Jess. Actually looking around I see why Jess wouldn't like it here. This place is simple the hallways lack pictures, but have a few clocks of different varieties on them, and there's only a few side table along the walls, while the bedroom only has a bed, bookshelf, closet, a clock hanging in the wall, and average sized window. Jess is a big ball of energy and needs to be kept entertained by random stuff. I actually like it here; this place feels homey, maybe a little impersonal and quiet, but it's manageable. I see Julius still standing there, most likely waiting for a response, so give him a lopsided smile. "Its fine Julius, I think you have yourself a pretty nice place here, I like it. Jess just needs to be entertained 24/7 by sparks and noise or she'll get bored."

"You actually like it here?" I nod my head yawning. Wonder why Julius sounds so surprised; the Clock Tower is actually very relaxing. So far it's been the only the only non-stressful thing I've encountered in Wonderland. Julius doesn't count because of our first meeting and, if my suspicions are correct, his possible eating habits.

"Well, night Julius. I'll see you in the morning, or whenever I wake up." Coming out of his thoughts he replied, "Right. Good night Kat, sleep well." Then he walked to what I hope to be his room, but I have a feeling is his office. Shrugging close the door and head to the closet to see if there's anything I could wear to bed, not expecting much considering this is a guestroom.

Oh, well what do you know; it looks like someone regularly uses this room. The closet is full of black pants, black high collared shirts with red accents, and there's a pair of dark brown boots in here. Judging by the sheer size and style of the cloths I know these can't belong to Julius. Does he even know they're in here? He should since this is his technically his house. Eh, they probably belong of a friend of his that stops by often; and since this guy must be a friend of Julius I'm sure borrowing a shirt wouldn't hurt. I'll just ask Julius is I can wash it tomorrow, no harm done.

Taking off my black tank top and jeans I slip on one of the shirts from the closet. Whoa this guy is big. I'm about 5'8 inches and the sleeves go past my hands, flopping around when I shake them, and the shirt itself goes a little lower than mid-thigh. Damn, I feel small in this. Well time for bed.

Curling up under the cover, I fall instantly asleep. Only to wake up in a place that resembles a bad water color painting.

"Hey! That's not nice!"


	4. Nightmare and the Pervert

Author's Note: I will never own Joker/Diamond/Clover/Heart no Kuni no Alice or any of the characters from either game/movie/manga. I do, however, own Kat, Jess, and Tess. In regards to pairings, so far, I'm leaning towards Kat x Julius and Tess x Elliot, nothing set in stone yet. I'm unsure about a match for Jess, sadly. If any reader has a pairing suggestion for any oc, Kat and Tess included, please leave it in a review. Other than that, my valued readers, please enjoy…

_Recap: Curling up under the cover, I fall instantly asleep. Only to wake up in a place that resembles a bad water color painting._

"_Hey! That's not nice!"_

Nightmare and the Pervert

Turning around I see a man with long silver hair, with an eye-patch covering his right eye—wait a minute. It's the pirate dude I drew in detention! Only instead of looking mysterious and cool he's pouting like a baby.

"Humph! I am not a pirate and I am not pouting!" He whines crossing his arms while floating in midair.

"Achoo! Sorry I'm allergic to bullshit…Hold on, who are you and how did you know what I was thinking?" The floating pirate seemed to develop a 'mysterious' and 'confident' front.

"Well Kat, my name is Nightmare. I am an incubus with the ability to read minds" I start backing away slowly. It's creepy how he knows my name; and, if I remember right, an incubus is a demon that rapes women in their sleep.

"Gah-" Ah, dude, that's just gross! 'Nightmare' just puked out a ton of blood! Ewewew some of it got on me eewww~

"I'm not that kind of demon! -Blegh- And you know –cough- other foreigners would be trying to help me! -Gah-"

"Well sorry! I was NOT expecting to be showered in some dude's puke blood!" Slowly I go over to the now crouching man and start rubbing his back. Gross, he's puking out a lot of blood. This is not normal, maybe I should get this guy to a hospital...

"NO! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO!"

"Wha—Dude, seriously? Why not? You are literally vomiting gallons of blood!"

"I hate hospitals! They're horrible! You can't make me go, you can't!" His head is pressing against my stomach and he's begging me not to take him. Wow he's pathetic, hospitals aren't that bad. Yeah they have a lot of needles there and the food's not that great, but he doesn't have to act like such a baby. "You're so mean! Why can't you be nice to me? It's not fair, I'm sick and you're being cruel to me!"

"Alright, alright I won't make you go to the damn hospital. Just stop crying, you're messing up this shirt and it's not even mine." He lets out a sigh of relief before stiffening and pulling me back at arm's length. His face gets paler before he starts chuckling nervously.

"Ah where exactly did you get that shirt?"

"Julius showed me a room I could sleep in and this was in the closet, along with a couple other matching cloths." I shrug, I know it doesn't belong to Julius, it doesn't look his style, and I was going to ask him if I could wash it when I wake up anyways. No harm done. At least, I thought that until Nightmare looked like he was about to pass out.

"Oh Kat, you are in for a horrible surprise when you wake up." That sounded very ominous and uninviting. I'm really hoping Nightmare is just joking around. "I wish I was Kat, I really wish I was…" Okay that mindreading this is creepy and is starting to piss me off. I would yell at him about it, but his face looks so serious right now it's making me nervous.

"Ssoooo Nightmare, mind telling me what's going to happen when I wake up?" He's about to respond until the world surrounding us starts to break apart. "What the hell is happening?!"

"It seems you are waking up now. I hope we can have a better conversation next time, and Kat, good luck you'll need it." Nightmare vanishes and everything goes black.

Groaning I shift around in the bed I'm lying on. Uh, so that whole conversation with 'Nightmare' was a dream. Man, that was weird, and what was that 'horrible surprise' he mentioned. Whatever, it's probably nothing. I attempt to roll over, only to discover I can't. What the hell? I try to move only to feel something tighten abound my waist, forcing me against a sold object and something nuzzling against my chest. Snapping my eyes open I look down to see a mesh of short brown hair pressed between my boobs. My face starts to burn brightly.

…..

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The mesh of hair looks up at me. Turns out, the mesh of hair is a guy with bright red eyes, who is currently staring at me with a dazed/sleepy look on his face. He is still holding me against his body, and we are just staring at each other. This guy suddenly smiles so big his eyes close.

"Haha you're boobs are really comfy pillows!" My jaw drops. That, that….PERVERT! I scramble away from him screaming, only for this guy to grab my by the arm and pull me back against him. "Haha you're funny!"

"KAT, WHAT'S WRONG?" Jess and Tess barge into the room, breathing heavily, and almost breaking the door off its hinges. They're eyes lock onto the pervert, and they're faces darken. "Who the hell are you and what are you doing to Kat?" It's really freaky when they talk at the same time like that.

"Haha what cat? I don't see one!" Is this guy for real?

"We're talking about our friend! What are you doing to her? Let her the fuck go, NOW!" Tess looks like she's about to slit this guy's throat. I've never seen her this angry, maybe a little annoyed but not this.

"You're friends with a cat? Hey do you want to fight?" He stands up and pulls a sword out and points it at Jess and Tess, with a huge smile on his face and darkened eyes. All the while he wraps his free arm around me, holding me to where I'm facing Jess and Tess but am pressed firmly against him. Oh shit this guy's nuts and he won't let me go! I can't even budge, he's holding me so tight. Jess is smiling back at him with a glare. At the same time Tess is trying to hide how much he's intimidating her, key word trying.

"What is going on here? I'm trying to—Ace what, in the world, are you doing here?" JULIUS, oh thank God you're here! Make this guy to let me gooooo!

"Haha, hey Julius you'll never believe this! I came by to drop off some clock last night and decided to just sleep over! So I go to sleep only to wake up next to a hot girl wearing one of my shirts! And, here's the weird part, she has a heartbeat! Hahaha~" What the hell? Why does it matter that I have a heartbeat? Wait, I'm wearing this guy's shirt?!

"Ace, how many times do I have to tell you're not allowed to stay here whenever you want?" Julius grumbles, rubbing his temples with his eyes closed. When he looks back up his eyebrow twitches. I meet is gaze, reaching my arms out to him, I mouthing the words help me. I know I must look childish and pathetic but I want this guy to let me go! "-sigh- Ace, could you please release Kat?"

"Ehhh? You to Julius? I don't know what cat you guys talking about! I'm just holding this fair maiden, Hahaha!" I think this guy may be acutely retarded.

"Ace, Kat is the name of the woman you are holding."

"Eh?" Pervert, I don't care if his name is 'Ace' I'm still going to call him pervert, looks down at me with a confused smile. "Your name is Kat? That's so weird Hahaha!"

"It's short for Katarina. Now let me go you pervert!" He looks offended. Good! Be offended!

"I'm not a pervert! I'm a valiant knight!"

"LIAR! NOW LET ME GO!"

-Thunk-

"Oooooowwww~ Julius that was mean~" Julius just threw a wrench at pervert's head…Pervert let me go to nurse his head…I kick pervert in the balls and run behind Julius. "Oooooowwww~ Kat's mean too~" Pervert is hunched over nursing both head and balls pouting. "Now you two have to kiss it and make it better!"

"HELL NO!"

"Aaaaawwww~ Poooo you two are no fun!" Nightmare was right this was a horrible surprise!


	5. Don't Open the Fridge!

Author's Note: I will, regrettably, never own Joker/Diamond/Clover/Heart no Kuni no Alice or any of the characters from either game/movie/manga, I wish I did though. On the other hand I do own Kat, Jess, and Tess. In regards to the late update, I didn't think people were enjoying the story that much, so I felt uninspired. But then I saw there was a review, and saw there are a few followers and favorites. Which make me very happy and made me want to write, so here you go! Please enjoy and review!

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_Recap: "Oooooowwww~ Julius that was mean~" Julius just threw a wrench at pervert's head…Pervert let me go to nurse his head…I kick pervert in the balls and run behind Julius. "Oooooowwww~ Kat's mean too~" Pervert is hunched over nursing both head and balls pouting. "Now you two have to kiss it and make it better!"_

"_HELL NO!"_

"_Aaaaawwww~ Poooo you two are no fun!" Nightmare was right this was a horrible surprise!_

* * *

Don't Open the Fridge!

After finally managing to get pervert out of the room, Julius had to drag him out by his ear, and changing back into my clothes from the day before I head to Julius' office, with pervert's shirt in hand. I'm going to ask him if I can use his fire place to burn it. Yeah, fuck washing it. Pervert will probably do something weird with the shirt if he got it back. I shudder blocking any, and all, mentally scarring images that are trying to surface.

When I open the office door I immediately close it. I didn't even bother looking in there, the amount of killing intent clashing in that room is terrifying. I'm actually contemplating making a strategic retreat, but something tells me Tess will never forgive me if I do. Hhhhhmm~ walk into a potential crime scene or deal with the wrath of Tess…

I open the door again to see Julius sitting at his desk holding a clock and screwdriver, and Tess sitting on the couch with a book in her hands. Both of them aren't even paying attention to what they're holding, instead they're nervously looking between Jess and pervert. While pervert and Jess are staring at each other with smiles that promise one thing, a painful and bloody death. You can almost see the malicious aurora surrounding them. No one seems to have noticed my entrance, and all I can do is sigh.

I really wish I could say this is the first time I've seen Jess like this, but it's not. She always gets like this when some threatens Tess, me, or my 'secret garden,' I still don't get what they mean by that, and it's almost impossible to snap her back to normal. I also wish I could say pervert returning the look is a shock, but remember his actions earlier makes it believable. I need to think of a way to ease the tension before someone dies.

Food normally calms Jess down, maybe it will work for pervert to. Besides I was going to make a 'thank you' breakfast and coffee for Julius anyways. I slip into the kitchen without being notice. Alright let's see, I'll start by finding all the utensils I'll need and, since I know where it is, I'll get out the coffee beans, mugs, and plates. I really don't like all the dust on Julius' kitchen and eating supplies. Hell there is a visible coat on everything that's not related to coffee. I need to wash it all before I can even consider cooking. I glance over to the refrigerator. I'm really afraid to look in there. You know what; I'm going to hold opening that off until I'm boiling water for the coffee.

Uuuumm…How many coffee beans do I grind? How much do I grind them? Is there a special way to grind them? Crap…I'll just wing it and hope for the best but expect the worst. Okay let's see, there is a little wooden bowl thing with short bunt wooden stick thingy in it on the counter, they don't have dust on them. I'll assume that's what Julius uses to grind the beans, only because of the lack of dust…That's just sad…

After washing my hands, I put a hand full of beans into the wooden bowl and grab the wooden stick thingy. Holding down the bowl I use the stick thingy to grind the beans, only for some to lead out of the bowl. This happened multiple times before I had the beans grounded down. Hopefully they were grounded enough, or not too much. I started to get frustrated with the damned beans, and started to get a _little_ carried away with the grinding. Putting the grounded beans to the side I grab the kettle I found above the stove and fill it with enough water for three people and put that on the back burner to boil. Jess and Tess don't like coffee so I'll figure something else out for them.

Turning to the refrigerator I get an ominous feeling. My senses are telling me not to look in the refrigerator that I wasn't going to like what's inside. Taking a deep breath and steading my nerves I cross the kitchen and head towards the refrigerator. I stop before it and reach out for the handle slowly. I look around and make sure Julius isn't going to appear out of nowhere and scare me again. Satisfied, I grasp the handle causing a cloud of dust floats into the air. Frowning I reach my other hand out and slowly slide my figure across the refrigerator's surface. Marring the, what I thought to be, grey refrigerator with a white line, I gulp.

Before my nerve could leave me I rip open the door. What lied inside forced me to fall back and scream.

"Kat what's wrong?! Are you okay?" Julius was the first one in the kitchen, followed closely by the others.

"How?! How is it possible? There is mold everywhere! Lettuce isn't supposed to be black! Is that even lettuce? What is the world is that! Was that milk?! It looks like toxic sludge! There's food fused to the shelves! Are those mushrooms growing in there?! Oh God the smell! It's horrible! HOLLY SHIT SOMETHING MOVED! SOMETHING FUCKING MOVED!" I slammed the refrigerator door shut. I had to use all my weight to force it to stay closed as the THING in there slammed against it repeatedly. I look at the others who are staring at me shocked. I growl, "You know a little help would be nice right about now!" The thing is still slamming against the door. I am, in all honesty, having trouble keeping in in there. Pervert smiles and draws his sword.

"Haha~ stand aside fair maiden, the valiant knight will slay the beast!" I just give pervert a blank look. Eh, why the hell not? If he loses it'll be fun to watch, not to mention Jess, Tess, Julius, and I can escape to Julius' office as the thing eats pervert. I quickly dive to the other side of the kitchen while the thing forces its way out of the refrigerator. It's disgusting. I don't know what it originally was but now it's a blob of something covered in mold, mushrooms, is dripping some green fluid out of its spores, is about the size of a large turkey, and is growling at us.

Pervert just laughs and mocks it, making it angry. It charges at pervert but he didn't move. When the thing pounced, pervert dodged and struck at it with his sword. He moved so quickly, I didn't even see him do it. One second it looked like pervert was going to lose, the next the thing is on the ground cut in half. With pervert's sword stuck in the floor, in between both halves. I look between the two halves of the thing, with what looks like green and black goo coming out of it, and pervert, who is just laughing and pulling his sword out of Julius' floor. I repeat this process three times before I manage to get up off the floor.

"W-well that was surprising. Umm, good job pervert, you really did it." I walk over to him and pat him on the head. He just laughs and grins, "Haha~ Of course I did it I'm a knight, and I'm not a pervert." The he pouts, "Shouldn't you me giving me a 'thank you' kiss?" I just shake my head, "Not a chance in Hell pervert."

"Hey, Ace, you killed Julius' baby!" Everyone look over at Jess confused, even pervert. She may be grinning, but I see I malice and mischief in her eyes as she looks at pervert and then at Julius. She really doesn't like pervert, but she won't pass up teasing Julius.

"His what?" Ace looks like a lost puppy, with his eyes wide and head cocked to the side like that. Julius just looks mortified and speechless.

"His baby! Haha~ it came from HIS fridge, which means it was his! Poor thing died before he could meet his daddy! Haha~" Pervert caught on to what Jess is up to and glanced at Julius with a smile. I saw the masked hatred towards Jess switch to affection when he glanced at Julius; I guess he doesn't like Jess, but likes teasing Julius more. I just shake my head; those two are two of a kind, happy-go-lucky on the outside and who the hell knows what on the inside.

"Oooohh! Whoops! Haha~ sorry buddy I didn't know! If you want I can help you make another baby!" Pervert looks at Julius with half lidded eyes and a suggestive grin. Julius looks like he wants his wrench. Tess is grinning like the perverted yaoi fangirl she is. I don't know if I should help Julius, or let him suffer because of that fucked up refrigerator. I mean honestly, how the hell can someone not notice when a new life form has been created in his refrigerator.

"Haha~ hey maybe Kat can join us for a threesome!" I repeatedly punch pervert in the head blushing, all he does is laugh and says something about 'domestic abuse.' Jess and Julius glare at pervert, Julius with a beat red face, and Tess looks disgusted, shaking her head with her face scrunched up. I probably appeared in her twisted yaoi fantasy, I guess she doesn't like me in her pairing. Normally she doesn't care if a girl's involved, as long as two guys are going at it like animals and if she likes all three of them together. I wonder if she paired me with someone already, if she's shipping me with someone else in her head that could explain her reaction.

I hear the kettle start to whistle. Oh time for coffee. I stop abusing pervert and head over to the kettle and grab the grounded coffee beans. I mix the water and beans together in two cups, screw pervert he doesn't get coffee, and pass on to Julius.

"Here, hope it tastes okay." For some reason Julius' face gets redder as I hand him the coffee and he takes a sip; instantly, his face to go blank afterwards. He looks at me, "54 points."

"Huh?" I take a sip of my coffee…Oh sweet mother of pearl this tastes horrible. I look at Julius and take his mug. I glance at pervert and smirk, I poor the remaining coffee into another mug and turn to pervert. I smile at him.

"Hey pervert, want some coffee?"

* * *

Author's note: The "little wooden bowl thing" and the "short bunt wooden stick thingy" were a mortar and a pestle.


	6. I'm Not That Mean

Author's Note: I am not the proud owner of Joker/Diamond/Clover/Heart no Kuni no Alice or its characters; I do, however, own Kat, Tess, and Jess, the oc trio of this story. On another note, if I ever write someone out of character let me know, I want to avoid that as much as possible. Other than that, please enjoy an review!

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_Recap: "Here, hope it tastes okay." For some reason Julius' face gets redder as I hand him the coffee and he takes a sip; instantly, his face to go blank afterwards. He looks at me, "54 points."_

"_Huh?" I take a sip of my coffee…Oh sweet mother of pearl this tastes horrible. I look at Julius and take his mug. I glance at pervert and smirk, I poor the remaining coffee into another mug and turn to pervert. I smile at him._

"_Hey pervert, want some coffee?"_

* * *

I'm Not That Mean

It has been decided that my coffee making skills suck, hell they're nonexistent. After one sip pervert did a spit take, ran to the sink, turned it on, and tried to wash the taste out by sticking his head under the faucet. It was funny to watch, Jess is still rolling on the floor laughing, but it kind of hurt my pride. Well at least the suffocating killing intent is gone. Unfortunately, I now have a leach, a perverted leach.

"That was really mean Kat." Pervert is now latched to my side giving me puppy eyes, but I can see the calculating spark hidden within those red orbs. He's planning something. I don't know what, but there is something going on in that head of his. Looking up I see Julius focusing entirely on fixing some clocks, I need to talk to him about his refrigerator and eating habits. "Kaaaat~ stop checking out Julius and pay attention to me!" My left eye twitches and Julius' hands falter a little. We both glare at pervert who's grinning like the fool he is.

I smirk and looking to Julius. I ask, "Hey Julius, can I borrow your fireplace for a minute?" He raises his eyebrow at me. "I want to burn pervert's shirt." He considers it for a moment, but shakes his head and goes back to fixing cocks. I sigh in disappointment. Suddenly I feel a sharp pain on the side of my head.

"Ouch! What the hell?" I glare at Tess who's holding a random sling shot and a bag of marbles. I forgot about her talent of making random shit appear out of thin air.

"Hey Kat, despite how full your hands seem right now, don't you think we should take a look around a bit?" Tess is smirking at me. Huh? I tilt my head to the side. She sighs. "Well if we're going to be stuck here for a while, we may as well learn the land."

"Oh! That actually sounds like a good idea," I look at my perverted leach, "you think you can let me go?"

"Hhhhhhmmm~ Nope!" He tightens his grip and nuzzles his head into my shoulder.

"Juuliusss! Pervert won't let me gooo!" Julius sighs and continues working. Damn! Now what?

"Ow!" Huh? I look over to see pervert holding his forehead and a marble rolling on the ground, thank you Tess and your weird habits.

"Well now that that's over, shall we go?" I nod my head and get up.

"Hey Julius, we'll be back later. Well if you don't mind that is." I add the last part as a courtesy, we're so coming back. He glances at me and nods his head. I'll take that as a "come back soon and be safe" and lead the twins out the door. It didn't take us long to realize pervert was following us. I don't like him walking behind us, it's slightly unsettling.

Jess starts walking backwards and addresses him with narrowed eyes, "Hey Ace why are you following us?"

"Hhhhmm? Oh! Hahaha~ I'm not following you this is just the way to the castle!" I look straight ahead of us and see the tops of Rollercoasters, a Ferris wheel, and other rides peeking out over the trees. Then I look behind us to see a heart shaped structure in the distance, far past the Clock Tower.

"Pervert, is the castle shaped like a giant heart?" He nods his head laughing. I face palm, "Pervert you're going the wrong way."

"Huh? Hahaha how would you know, have you been to the castle yet?" He's an idiot, a perverted, directionally challenged, idiot.

"No, dumbass, I haven't, but I can see it in the exact opposite direction." He just laughs at me, bastard.

"Silly Kat, this is a short cut!"

"LIES!"

"Nah-uh!"

"Ah-huh!"

"Nah-uh!"

"Ah-huh!"

"Nah-uh!"

"Ah-huh!"

"Nah-uh!"

"Ah-huh!"

"Hey, why don't you two make a bet?" Pervert and I stare at Jess.

"What kind of bet?" I raise my eyebrow.

"We all continue to go in the direction we're heading, and if we wind up at the castle Kat has to complete one order by Ace, but if we wind up someplace that isn't the castle Ace has to complete one order by Kat." We're all staring at Jess, she looks completely serious. I guess she knows I'm right, and I love how she didn't say any specific location for me to win.

"Hahaha! That sounds like a great idea!" I frown, something feels off about pervert.

"I guess, as long as pervert's alright with it," I face pervert, he nods his head like an idiot, "then let's shake on it." Pervert and I shake hand sealing one of our fates. We continue on the path, every once in a while pervert would disappear into the bushes but one of us (mostly me) found him and bragged him back to the path.

The farther we walk, I start seeing more and more of brightly colored gates and ticket booths. This is defiantly not the castle. I look at pervert and he seems as happy as a puppy on crack. I feel like I'm taking advantage of his retardation, fuuuuck now I feel guilty. I guess I'll just tell him to buy us all drinks or something. Oh! I'll just get him to help me detoxify Julius' kitchen (i.e. get Julius a new damn refrigerator and fill it with nonpoisonous food) after I find a way to make money, of course. For some reason I think pervert will more than happily agree to that. I don't want to be too hard on the perverted, and psychotic, retard. SHIT! Pervert is, sadly and surprisingly, growing on me…I still don't completely trust him, though.

"Huh? This isn't the castle," pervert looks confused before putting his puppy on crack face back on, "Hahaha~ Wow Kat, you were right! Haha you must be great with directions!"

"I can't tell if you're complimenting me or if you're being sarcastic." All he does is laugh in response.

"I'm getting the feeling it was a healthy combination." I nod in agreement to Tess' statement.

"Welcome to the amusement park, honored guests~!" I jump at the sudden, overly cheery, voice. Pervert and the twins laugh at me, bastards. With my hand on my chest I notice a brightly colored character in front of us. She's ginger and wearing a bright mind-fuck-yellow outfit, but she doesn't have eyes. She must be one of the "faceless" Julius told us about earlier. Huh? I don't get why they're called that. They have faces, just not eyes.

"Uuuummm, Hi?" The chick giggles at me. I don't see what's so damn funny; bitch almost gave me a heart attack.

"Hey! I'm Jess! What did ya mean by 'honored guests?!'" Well they're going to be friends.

"Hello Miss. Jess, and to answer your question, when Mr. Gowland heard about the new outsiders he instructed all park employees to keep a look out and introduce them to him right away!" She smiles at us all, until she spots pervert, "Oh, sir knight! What business do you have here?"

"Hahaha~ None, I got lost again!" Again? How often does this idiot get lost?

"Would you like me to get someone to escort you to the castle?"

"Nope! I'm good!"

"If you insist," with a smile she turns her head to address the twins and me, "come I'll introduce you to the park owner!" She's very peppy, looking around all the faceless wearing bright mind-fuck-yellow outfits are. Hmmm weird normally peppy people annoy me, but the ones in Wonderland are, at the very least, tolerable. I shrug and motion for my little herd to follow. Jess prances up to the faceless girl and they get into an animated conversation, I tuned them out when they started gossiping.

"So, Ace, why are you still here? Shouldn't you be on your way to the castle, or something?" Pervert and I look at Tess. She seems genuinely curious, but opted to be blunt about her question. I tilt my head. She does have a point.

"Haha~ I'm waiting for my order!" He looks pointedly at me. The feeling's back. Something is off about pervert. Wait! He's probably expecting me to order him to go away or to leave us alone or something equally as mean! I look him in the eyes, and there right there! It's hidden carefully behind his happy mask. I can see it, melancholy mixed with bitter expectations! He looks like the puppy that expects to get kicked.

I can't help but to frown. Does he really think I'm that mean. I know I've yelled at and hit him a few times, okay maybe more than a few times, but still. I'm not the kind of person to kick puppies for fun; I just yell at (and hit) people when they're being stupid, never puppies.

"Hey you're staring! Haha~ do I have something on my face?" I continue to stare; calculation has been added to the hidden mix in his eyes. He thinks he knows what I'm going to say, but doesn't understand why I'm taking so long to say it. It's confusing him. He thinks I'm mean, he's said it numerous times before, despite it sounding like a joke he was serious. He's already assumes he knows how my mind works, how I am. Heh~ time to prove the pervert wrong.

"I'm not going to tell you to hit the road, if that's what you're thinking. You're fun to talk to, when you're not being a perverted idiot, of course." All the hidden emotions are gone; his face honestly expresses his puppy like confusion. I knew it. He did expect me to be mean. It makes me slightly upset, but shit happens. Tess smiled at me, she doesn't know why I said that but she knows there was a reason.

"Well…we better not lag, or those two may just leave us behind." With that Tess pushes pervert and me to move faster. Pervert looks like he's lost in his thoughts, as he walks slightly ahead of us. I must have really shocked him. Eh~ he'll snap out of it sooner or later. Tess pulls me back to her and whispers, "explain later," in my ear. Once I nod my head she lets me go and we continue following our guide.

After a couple minutes of walking through the crowd, an older man with eyes wearing glasses and a bright mind-fuck-yellow outfit comes into view. He's eagerly talking to a couple faceless wearing, what I'm guessing to be, the bright mind-fuck-yellow park uniform, while making wild excited gestures to the ride (death trap!) beside them. That must be Gowland.

"Excuse me, Mr. Gowland," the man with eyes looks at our guide, "I've brought the foreigners!" His eyes light up like those of a little kid on Christmas morning and his face breaks out in a good natured happy smile. He excuses the faceless he was speaking with earlier and approaches us eagerly.

"Hello and welcome to my park! I'm Gowland, and what might your names be?"

"Hi! I'm Jess, nice ta meet cha!" Jess happily exclaims, rapidly shaking Gowland's hand. He laughs and returns her enthusiasm.

"I'm Tess, Jess' twin, and I apologies in advance for any future trouble Jess causes you." She just nodded in his direction; he returned it with a chuckle and grin. Then he looks to me.

"Name's Katerina, but just call me Kat, and, as I said to Julius before, don't be a douche like Blood and call me anything else." Apparently my comment about Blood being a douche put me on Gowland's good side, if his booming laughter is anything to go by.

"Hahaha! Kat it is then! Hahaha—Ace? What are you doing here?" He stopped laughing once he noticed pervert.

"Haha~ I got lost and am waiting for Kat to give me an order!" Gowland look between pervert and me intrigued.

"Why would she give you an order?"

Prancing forward, Jess answered, "Cause~ Ace's lack of directional sense caused him to loss a bet!" She jumps up to me, "Soooo~ what are you going to make him do?!" She wants me to be mean to him, shame that's not gonna happen.

"Yeah Kat, what are you going to make him do?" Gowland, don't sound so eager, you're a grown man. Gowland, pervert, Tess, and Jess are staring at me, waiting for an answer. I scowl at the pushiness.

"Fine, if you are all so damn impatient! Pervert, the second I earn some money, you are to help me detoxify and restock Julius' kitchen, 'cause we both know he won't do it himself. There are you all happy now?!" You can feel the disappointment rolling off of Jess as she deflates. Pervert is a combination of both confused and cocky about something. Gowland and Tess are just amused.

"T-t-that's iiiit?!" Oh great Jess is whining, "I was expecting something more, more…"

"Demeaning?"

"YES!"

I just shrug at her. "Most of the time shit happens, but on rare occasions it doesn't. It's the way the universe works." She starts sulking, while the others chuckle (except pervert who is straight up laughing his ass off at her). The faceless girl from before starts consoling Jess and offers her an ice cream cone…I actually forgot the faceless girl was here.

"My, my, my~ if it isn't Miss. Katerina and her two associates," came a voice that sent tremors of rage through my body, "and Mary what a pleasure it is to see you again. I've come for negotiations." I could see the rage boiling over in Gowland. I just had to open my mouth about shit happening, didn't I?

...And who the fuck is Mary?


	7. Cat and Mouse

Author's note: Still don't own Joker/Diamond/Clover/Heart no Kuni no Alice or its characters. The only characters I own in this story are Kat, Jess, and Tess. Please enjoy the story and review…that is all…you can start reading now…

* * *

Recap: "My, my, my~ if it isn't Miss. Katerina and her two associates," came a voice that sent tremors of rage through my veins, "and Mary what a pleasure it is to see you again. I've come for negotiations." I could see the rage boiling over in Gowland. I just had to open my mouth about shit happening, didn't I?

...And who the fuck is Mary?

* * *

Cat and Mouse

"DUPRE, YOU ARE A COCK SUCKING WHORE!" I scream, diving into an ally, dodging stray bullets. That bastard just waltzed in here and started a shit storm. Seriously, we were all having a pretty good time before he decided to be a fucking dick! Did he really have to ruffle Gowland's feathers like that; and, how the fuck did Blood's pimp stick and Gowland's violin turn into guns? That shit just doesn't happen!

Holly mother of shit, a bullet hit the wall right beside my head! Fuck I need to move my fat ass or I will die! I hope Jess and Tess got out of there. I swear if they get shot I will hunt Blood down! Although, I'm pretty sure Gowland, Jess, and pervert will be alright, for some reason idiots never die, Tess on the other hand…yeah, I don't want to think about that.

I stopped running when the sound of gun shots stopped. Panting, and sweating like a pig, I look around to see a few gift shops, game booths, and food stands. All the faceless stop to glance at me before shrugging and continuing their business. Did these people not hear the gun shots? Or…are they just used to hearing them?

Now that I think about it, everyone but the twins and I jumped right in to the line of fire. There was no hesitation, no moment of shock, no fear; some people were even smiling and laughing about the gun fight. I'll have to ask Julius or Nightmare about that later.

"GHHHAAAAAAAAA! DON'T EAT ME!" Huh? I just barely jump out of the way of a green, red, and black blur being chased by a black and pink blur. What the fuck? The blurs do a couple of laps around the building I'm next to, a gift shop of sorts, before I start getting dizzy. Okay that's enough! I grab the first blur, pulling in beside me, and stick my foot out, effectively tripping the second.

"MREOW!" The pink and black blur face met concrete. Turns out, it's some punk dude with pink cat ears and tail; he's wearing a black belly shirt, a black skirt, a lot of chains, and has a bright pink boa…I question his sexual preferences. And if it wasn't for Peter and Elliot I'd be completely flabbergasted by the animal appendages. I guess they're a common thing here, in Wonderland.

"Ch-chu~ Y-y-you're not g-going to hurt me, a-are you?" I look over to the form screaming blur, and this guy is positively adorable. His bright green eye, the one not covered by auburn bangs, is wide and teary, his mouse ears are pressed flat against his head, and that little hat is just adding to the effect. This boy has mastered the sad puppy (mouse) look; not to mention he's shorter than me, making him look vulnerable.

"Not at all sweetie, but are you okay, you look pretty shaken up?" I pat the poor guy on the head, he flinched. I can't help but want to comfort him. He started to relax, until cat boy opened his mouth.

"Meh~ don't bother with him, he's just a stupid rat." I glare at, the now standing, cat boy before swatting him upside the head. He caused the poor mouse to freeze up and start trembling. "Hey! Why'd you hit me?!" I ignore him.

"Calm down, sweetie. My name's Kat, what's yours?" At the mention of my name he started to tremble more. Cat boy looks interested.

"C-c-c-cat?" I realized my mistake as I grabbed his arm, preventing him from running away. "P-p-ple-ease d-d-don't eat me." Eat him? Why would I—oh right. I glare at the cat boy, just now noticing that he's holding a fork and knife. He just grins cheekily at me.

"I'm not going to eat you. I meant 'Kat' as in K-A-T, not C-A-T. It's short for my first name, Katerina." He glances at me fearfully, still shaking. I sigh, "Listen, if it makes you more comfortable, you can call me Katerina, or something else, okay?" He slowly nods at me, a small smile forming on his face.

"Chu~ O-okay, K-Katerina." I flinch; man I hate it when people call me that! But, he looks calmer now, at least that was until I had to slap a fork welding hand away from him. The cat grins as the mouse hides behind me.

I glare at cat boy before smirking, "If you're done acting like a child, can you tell me your name, before I dub you 'Pussy' or 'Mr. Whiskers'?" Cat boy scowls as mouse boy giggles, I smile over my shoulder at the mouse, "That goes for you two. If you don't tell me your name I'll come up with something equally stupid for you too."

"Humph! Why does the rat get a smile?" I hear the cat grumble under his breath. I roll my eyes at him, he's being immature. Cat boy randomly starts sniffing the air, moving closer to me as he does so, while mouse boy's ears start twitching like crazy. "Hey are you a foreigner. You smell weird." Did he just say I stink?

"H-her clock, it's making a weird tic!" I raise my eyebrow at the mouse.

"My clock? What clock?"

"Whoa! You are a foreigner, sweet!"

"Yeah I'm a foreigner. What of it, Mr. Whiskers?" Whiskers' ear twitched.

"My name is Boris," he glares at me.

"Well I didn't know that, now did I Mr. Whiskers?" I smirk at his annoyed expression.

"Uh K-Katerina, y-your clock is making a weird 'dump-dump' sound," I glance at the worried mouse, "I think you need to see a doctor for that?"

"Are you talking about my heart? It always makes that sound." He looks both amazed and concerned.

"Yeah, you stupid rat, foreigners don't have clocks." The poor mouse quivers into my lower back. I glare at Boris and pull his ear. "YEOW—HEY STOP THAT HURTS!"

"Then stop tormenting the poor guy! He didn't do anything wrong," I yell in his ear. With Boris' ear still in hand, I turn around and pat the mouse on the head again. "So what's your name? You haven't told me yet."

Mouse boy seemed to gain courage, now that I held Boris' ear in a death grip immobilizing him. With a cute little smile he proclaims, "I'm Pierce, thank you for saving me from the cat. Chu~" Pierce leaned up to my cheek and kissed it. My brain shut down. "K-Katerina, are you okay?!"

"Now look what you did, you stupid rat! You broke the foreigner!"

"I-I-I d-didn't mean to! I'm sorry Katerina, don't be broken!"

I shake my head. That was unexpected. I look to see Boris glaring at Pierce, his ear still in my grasp, while Peirce looks like he's on the verge of tears. "Uh, Pierce," he looks me in the eyes, "why did you kiss me?"

"I-I wanted to thank you for helping me, and y-y-you looked really cute. I'm sorry, chu~"

"It's okay Pierce; just don't make a habit out of it, alright?" He nods his head, looking devastated. Aaaawww~ I feel bad now, "Listen Pierce, it's not that I don't like you, I just don't know you. You understand what I'm saying?" Boris makes a sound similar to choking.

"Y-you like me?!" Pierce's eyes are wide, and is it just my imagination or are they sparkling?

Shrugging I reply, "I guess so, you seem like a pretty nice guy." He tackles me in a hug and repeatedly kisses my cheeks, all the while making that little "Chu~" sound. After a few seconds Pierce is suspended in the air by Boris grabbing him by his collar. I don't think Pierce noticed I let Boris' ear go so I wouldn't accidently rip it off when he tackled me.

"Didn't she just say she didn't want you kissing her?" Pierce is trembling again and his complexion pails considerably. I get off the ground and brush all the dirt off of me. "And look! You got her all dirty, you stupid rat!" Pierce is apologizing like crazy and begging Boris not to hurt him.

"Alright, alright thanks for getting him off me Boris, but you can put him down now." Boris looks torn for a moment before he smirks.

"What if I don't want to?" Did he just purr?

"I'll be sure to rip your ear clean off." I tell him in all seriousness, causing him to huff and roughly drop Pierce. The second he hits the group, Pierce takes off like a bat out of hell. Boris and I just watch him disappear into the crowd. Glancing at Boris I ask, "You're not gonna chase him?"

"Do you want me to?"

"Not really, just curious."

"You know, curiosity killed the 'Kat'~" he smirks at me.

"If that's true, you're screwed." He laughs.

"Hey I heard there were three foreigners, is that true?" I nod. His grin widens, "So where are the other two? I heard one seams cool while the other's like a demon."

"No clue. We got separated when Blood started a gun fight with Gowland." He grimaces and nods his head. "By the way, how'd you know there are three of us?"

"Oh! The twins told me."

"Twins?" is he talking about cherry and blueberry?

"Yeah they're the gate keepers at the Hatter's Mansion."

"You're friends with them?"

"Yep!"

"Oh my gosh, tell me their names! I've been stuck calling them cherry and blueberry!" After I finish my sentence he laughs so hard, he's leaning against the wall for support.

"W-what is Hahaha with you Hahaha and weird nicknames?!" My face burns.

"You should hear her nickname for Peter," we look to see Tess emerging form an ally, "you'll bust a gasket." My heart drops to my stomach.

"Ooooohh~ tell me, tell me!" I can already tell Boris will NEVER let me live anything down. I glare at Tess in warning, she smirks at me.

"Well, when Kat first meet Peter, she called him Mr. Fluf—Gah!" I tackle her to the ground, clamping my hand over her mouth. There is no way in hell either Boris or Blood are learning of that nickname! Neither of them will show me mercy! Especially Blood since I called him a cock sucking whore earlier.

Tess and I are rolling on the ground, me with my hand firmly sealed over her mouth. She licks and bites my hand trying to get me to let go, but I don't. Tess is kicking and scratching at me now. I ignore it; the second I let go she will tell Boris that nickname. Luckily he's too busy laughing his ass off to do anything.

"Now this looks interesting~" I freeze and stiffly peer over my shoulder…Oh mother of fuck no…Out of all the times you have to reappear Blood, why did it have to be now?! I can feel Tess smirking under my hand. Oh no. He smirks at me, "Katerina, why are you on Ms. Tess?"

"Uuuuuummmm…"

"Kat's trying to stop her from telling me Peter's nickname." Damn you Boris!

"Nickname?"

"Yeah, apparently Kat gives them to people when she doesn't know their name."

"Interesting, do I have one?" Blood's looking at me expectantly.

"Eh-heh-heh-heh sorry Dupre, but I learned your name before I could give you one." I weakly say, still keeping my hand over Tess' mouth.

"Is that so?" Blood seems slightly disappointed. I gulp.

"Trust me Dupre, you wouldn't want one. They're normally stupid and or insulting. Just ask Boris, I called him Mr. Whiskers," I chuckle out. Blood seemed annoyed when I mentioned Boris' nickname.

"Hey, what's going on here?! Hahaha Kat it looks like you're raping Tess!" No, not Jess!

"NOTHING!"

"Oh Miss. Jess, do you happen to know Katerina's little _pet name_ for Peter White?" Blood said "pet name" as if it left a bitter taste in his mouth. What the hell crawled up his ass? He's acting really pissy all of a sudden.

"Yep, yep!" Jess, please don't say it!

"What is it?!" Boris jumped in Jess' face.

"Don't say a damn word, Jess!" She looks between me and Boris and Blood, before she got a mischievous gleam in her eyes.

"Oh~ it's Mr. Flu—glah!" I shifted Tess into a headlock, before charging at Jess and clamping my other hand over her mouth, dragging Tess all the way. Sadly, I lost my footing causing us all to tumble to the ground. I wresting with them, trying to keep them silent. It's a coin toss which of us will win. I may have size on them, but they have numbers on me and we're all equally determined. Well, it was a coin toss before Blood lifted me into the air, with both my arms pinned to my sides.

"Fuck Blood! Put me down!" He blatantly ignored me. Once I realized his grip was unwavering, I slumped in defeat and let out a whine. Blood smirks and chuckles at my misery.

"Aaaawwww~ poor wittle Kat!" Jess was going to pat my head, but she couldn't reach it with Blood holding me in the air. Before she had a chance to withdraw her hand completely, I bit down on her fingers.

"OW OW OW OW! TESS, MAKE HER LET ME GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I released her hand when I saw Tess pull out her slingshot and marbles. Jess creates a little emo corner to nurse her hand in.

"Now then, let's get back on topic," Tess says, smirking and clapping her hands, "When Kat first met Peter she dubbed him Mr. Fluffykins~" I died on the inside again.

"FL-FLUFFYKINS! HAHAHA"

"SHUT THE HELL UP, BORIS! I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST A FUCKING RABBIT!" After shouting that, I glance over my shoulder at Blood. I mumble, "Happy now asshole?" He just smirks at me…Why do I feel like a mouse caught in a hungry cat's jaws?


	8. Just what did I agree to

Author's note: I will never own Joker/Diamond/Clover/Heart no Kuni no Alice or its characters. But I do own Kat, Jess, and Tess. Listen up readers, if you have a pairing you like let me know, nothing is set in stone yet. On that note, readers, please enjoy and review!

* * *

Recap: "Now then, let's get back on topic," Tess says, smirking and clapping her hands, "When Kat first met Peter she dubbed him Mr. Fluffykins~" I died on the inside again.

"FL-FLUFFYKINS! HAHAHA"

"SHUT THE HELL UP, BORIS! I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST A FUCKING RABBIT!" After shouting that, I glance over my shoulder at Blood. I mumble, "Happy now asshole?" He just smirks at me…Why do I feel like a mouse caught in a hungry cat's jaws right now?

* * *

Just what did I agree to?

"Join me for a tea party." Blood said, gripping my arms notably, but not painfully, tighter. He's subtly threating me.

I glare at him in return and bite out, "That sounded more like an order."

"It was a request."

"Then put me down and ASK nicely." I have issues with being ordered around like a bitch. I dealt with that enough as a kid, I don't need it now. Jess is too busy sulking and Boris is too busy laughing to be of any help, while Tess is just watching Blood cautiously. Yeah, like that's gonna do anything.

"Ah! But something tells me, if I were to do that, you would decline," the bastard is smirking, again!

Alright I need to calm down, getting angry won't get me out of this. Shrugging, as much as I can, I reply, "You're right, I would 'cause I don't like tea."

He seems astonished, "How could you not enjoy tea?"

"Eh~ never liked the taste, and besides I'm more of a coffee kind of girl." Now he looks offended.

"You are repulsed by tea, yet you like that disgusting brown water?"

"Never said I was 'repulsed' by the stuff; all I said is that I'm not a huge fan, I like how it smells." I roll my eyes at him. Honestly, he is such a drama queen… Wait did he just— "Did you just diss my coffee?"

I hear Tess mumble something about caffeine addictions, but I ignore her. I glare at Blood; I don't care if he's mafia. No one and I mean no one insults coffee. That stuff is like heaven in a cup; maybe not when I make it, but one sip of Julius' coffee is proof enough! His coffee is like drinking liquid awesome.

"It is a revolting and unsophisticated drink."

"Have you ever tried it?"

"Yes, and I killed the man who presented it to me." I stiffen as my eyes widen. He—he can't be serious, but one look in his eyes tells me he is…well I'll be damned…

"That reaction seems a little umm over the top, don't cha think?" He answers my question with an elegantly raised eyebrow. I need to get out of this guy's reach. "Can you put me down now, I don't like being manhandled." I squirm a little, emphasizing my point.

"Then say you will join me for a midnight tea party at my mansion, let's say, the next night time change." Oh, now he's being a real prick. I can't find any loopholes to avoid going, but I need him to put me down. Hhhhhmmm~ how can I bite him in the ass with this? There has to be some way of screwing him over. Let's see, despite his annoying, and slightly childish, arrogance, he, for the most part, acts like a gentleman. Now if there is one thing I know about gentlemen, they would never intentionally upset a lady…Ideaaa~!

"Alright, you've got yourself a deal, Dupre," I say causing Blood to look satisfied. Smirking I look to Jess, and shout, "Did you hear that Jess! Dupre would like us to join him for a tea party at his mansion~!"

"I never sai—" Blood was interrupted by Jess.

"REALLY!" Jess looks excited. She's caught hook, line, and sinker~!

"Yep! So you'll be able to see the demonically cute twins again!" She squeals and traps Blood in one of her hugs of death, which causes him to drop me. Oooww that landing hurt my ass, but Blood's annoyed/pained face is worth it.

"I did not, necessarily, invite you." He managed out. Jess deflates and starts to tear up, releasing him.

"I-I-I'm not invited?" She pretends to cry, crouching to the ground cupping her face in her hands. I love how realistic her fake crying is, though it is a little over-dramatic at times. But who am I to judge. Eight out of ten times I still fall for it.

"Wow Dupre, and here I thought you were a gentleman," I shake my head, frowning and pretending to be disappointed in him, "I mean, what kind of man is so horrible as to make a delicate girl cry?" Yeah, she's delicate like a rabid crocodile on its period when you get on her bad side.

"Yeah Blood, I'm not even that low, and I'm a freeloading stray!" Hah! Boris is falling for it to. Aww he's trying to comfort Jess. Okay he's starting to earn some brownie points! I'll let him bulling Pierce slide if he stays this nice to Jess. But if he hurts her in any way, I'll skin him. Ohhh~ Blood looks insulted. I have to keep a straight face, or this whole thing is going to fall apart.

"My deepest apologies Miss. Jess," Blood says with a charming smile, placing a hand on her shoulder, "You seemed to have misunderstood my wording. I never said you were not welcomed to join us."

She peeks at him through her fingers, hiccupping. She sputters out, "I-I can?" Blood reluctantly nods. Sounding like a depressed, but hopeful, child, in a barely audible voice, Jess asks, "T-Tess can come to, right?" I know for a fact I saw Blood's eyebrow twitch, but he just nods his head again.

"Certainly, what type of man would I be if—"

"YAAAYY!" Jess jumps up, hugging Boris. Aaaawww~ Boris is blushing…but it's most likely because Jess is squishing his face in her tinny boobs. I don't know if he's lucky because he's getting boob action, or if he's unlucky because Tess may castrate him if she doesn't find this whole scenario amusing.

"Well thank you, Blood." Tess is smirking, "It was positively sweet of you to extend the invitation to all of us." It looks to me like Boris gets to keep his nuts, lucky cat.

"Well, I am a gentleman, now we should be on our way to the mansion. After all, the next night time change could come at any moment," He cocks his elbow at me, "allow me to escort you, Miss. Katerina." I glare at the offending appendage. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? Poke it?

"Now Kat, Blood is being so kind to invite us all," Tess says, walking behind me and pushes me in his direction, "The least you can do is allow him to 'escort' you." Mother fucker, what is with the twins and tormenting me? I mean honestly, Tess doesn't even like Blood. Yet here she is putting that aside to screw with me. What are they? Closet sadist? ... On second thought, it's probably best if I don't know. As people say, ignorance is bliss.

I frown and let out a defeated sigh as Blood hooks my arm with his, trapping me, and starts to walk. Just like before, he grips me tight enough to be threatening, but not tight enough to hurt. This boy is obsessed with control, if the subtle threats are anything to go by. Seriously! What is with guys and wanting dominance? It's like they have a subconscious need to overpower women, and it's annoying… Okay, even in my head, that sounded wrong.

Looking over my shoulder I see Tess walking directly behind Blood, giving him the keep-those-hands-were-I-can-see-them-or-you'll-those-them look, she is such a hypocrite, and that Jess convinced Boris to guide her like Blood is me. It looks like the two of them are getting along fine, they're laughing and she's playing with the decorations on his boa. Now that I think about it, she's genuinely warmed up with a good number of people here, Julius, the faceless girl from earlier, Gowland, and now Boris. I hope she grows on the twin boys and vice versa; it's nice to see her getting along with people other than Tess, Gil, and me. I can't help but smile; normally she just puts on a cheerful face and antagonizes or manipulates everyone she meets, like with pervert, Blood, and Elliot.

"My, what a cruel young lady you are," my attention is brought back to Blood, "twisting things to fit your desires and then ignoring the man by your side in favor of another, who is currently in the company of a close friend of yours. It would make one wonder about your true intentions." He's giving me a knowing look.

"My intentions? What are you talking about?" Now I'm confused.

"Oh, I'm just saying that you're not as restricted as you let on." Restricted? Seriously, what the fuck is he talking about?! Ahh screw it! If he's not going to be up front, what he's saying doesn't matter.

"You're weird." I say this in the blankest, most serious, voice I can muster.

"I beg your pardon." His grip tightens, now it's starting to hurt. There is a very dangerous glint in his eye. I keep my eyes straight ahead. If I let him win now, I'll be screwed for however long I'm here.

"You're weird. Almost everything you've done or said has had some secretive, arrogant, or ominous undertone. I get you the big bad mafia boss and all, so I'm just gonna go with it and mark it as part of your needed personality." I give him a side glare. "I'm not going to sugar coat my opinions to feed a prick's pride. If I think you're weird, I'm going to tell you so."

"And if I find your 'opinions' are offensive?"

"Then that's too bad. Would you prefer me to lie to you?" I look him dead in the eyes, waiting for his answer.

His grip loosens as a calculating look and unsettling twinkle form in his eyes. With a twitch of his lips he replies, "No, I suppose, I wouldn't. You are quite a peculiar woman, Miss. Katerina. Never before have I met anyone been so bold."

"Never said I was normal, and how many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?!" Great! We're back to square one!

"Hhmmm interesting." I hear him mumble.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing of importance, Miss. Katerina." Grrrrrrr! Fuck this bastard!

"Big sister!" Suddenly two pythons slam into my lower stomach, nocking me to the ground, and start squeezing the life out of me. This is far worse than Jess' hugs of death! I can't even breathe.

"Uuuummmm you guys know you're killing her?" I faintly hear Tess ask. Sadly, I am still dying from lack of oxygen. Tess sighs in exasperation. "I didn't want to do this, Blood please step back…Jess look, it's the adorable twins~!" NO, YOU FOOL!

"EEEHHHHH!" I am crushed. Jess has locked not only the twins in her hug of death, but me as well. She starts twirling and squealing like a fangirl. I swear, if she doesn't stop, I will barf on all three of them.

The constrictors are ripped off of me. I look to the person holding me, and the three demons, by the collar of my shirt. My eyes are instantly drawn to his tannish fuzzy rabbit ears….fuuuuuck, it's the dude who tried to shoot me if the face, Elliot.

What is fuck's name did agree to?


End file.
